The Art of Steve T. Laws

I Do Exist

2011-02-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

No. Really, I do.

I'm just wrastlin' with a few things.

I'll rev this sucker back up eventually.

Musing

2010-12-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes having a blog is sipping on coffee while staring at the screen. Waiting patiently for the words to come to you. Have the words come for me? No. Not at all. Hence my verbal flailing in topical waters to keep afloat.

Life is quiet for me. I have a tad too much time on my hands. Let me rephrase that. It's not time I have too much of, I am good at keeping myself busy. After all, I do have a book to make, a job to find, a woman to win, and a life to live. No it's not time, it's too much uncertainty.

I know, "Life is uncertain," isn't it? I'm sure we all go through this. But because I'm not certain we do, and because I'm not certain of another topic, I'll muse here. In my modest mind, the magnificent magnifying has begun to where I question too many things. Am I budgeting my time right? Am I actually getting things done? Am I perceived poorly by persons whose opinions I value? Am I selling myself short? Am I sabotaging myself? Again? Really? And the questions persist. What do I do with it all? I meditate while writing a blog. That's what.

So plagued with the questions, I do what I can to see through the swarm of uncertainties and try to focus on a few blessings to get a few things done. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. This time not. So I just try to do things a few at a time and leave little marks to score my progress. This blog post will be another mark for me . . .

Hmm, on the advice of a friend she recommend I start a little story here and just roll it out by bits each post. Seems like a GREAT idea to me so let's start . . .

Edgar is all of seven mighty years. School is both fun and vexing. Learning how to read of aliens and tricks in math and how magnets work all were super neat. Meanwhile, behaving in class and sweating the schedules and navigating bullies were not so super neat. He'd always wanted to go to school. Ever since his older sisters bragged about the privilege that was bestowed on them and only them. Three years in, however, he found tho romance of the idea wanting.

Ok, let's try that and see where it . goes.

Winter Duldrums

2010-12-01T09:50:00.002-07:00

The 1st is nigh and with it Odding needs another page released Here.

December first. The holidays are nigh. We already got through thanksgiving and we still have (I celebrate Christmas, you can insert any holiday of choice here) and New Years to go. I had a great time on thanksgiving. I wrestled my nieces good! Christmas I expect to be just as kind. It is my understanding that the traditional New Years is filled with drinking and debauchery maybe making a few regrets. My personal New Years tradition is celebrated alone to reflect solemnly on what I'd like to change, what I'd like to remember, and what I prefer to forget. Yeah, I probably take it and myself a little too seriously. That's just seems to be me.

As the title of this post suggests, my mood isn't the brightest. There is nothing in particular I can cite. Well, I rescind that. Every winter comes and every time the cold just shuts me down. I do my best to keep happy and bright and functioning. I am sure there are cracks in that facade. Be that as it may, I will hunker down as best as I am able and weather the season like I've done in the past. I growl and make a face at winter.

Bah humbug!

Turkey Day

2010-11-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

It's Thanks Giving once again. the time of year where all give thanks and thanks is given. It figures I should be thankful over a few things, so let's do it.

I am thankful for the family I get to spend the holidays with this year. I am thankful for near and dear friends (Viet, Peck, and Danielle come swiftly to mind). I have a shanty to keep me warm this winter. I have food to keep me fat. I am thankful that, even tho I have a cold, the blankets I use are so comfy and warm. I am thankful I am able to do some of the things I an do; I can paint well, write coherently, and have an emotional depth that allows both to have value. I'm thankful for the time to do some soul searching and the fruits thereof. I am thankful for my projects that keep me busy and my mind working. I am very thankful to the people who endure this blog, I hug each of you. I am thankful for a bright future.

Much happiness to all of you out there. I hope the holiday is good to you and delivers much joy. Again, I hug you all!

Mid November.

2010-11-15T09:54:00.002-07:00

OK, it's the 15th and the next page of Odding needs releasing Here.

Mid November is here and awfully fast. Where does the time go? I know I'm not the only one begging that question.

As to my exploits. My honeymoon phase of "fixing everything and now" around my new home has slowed along with the honeymoon phase of the move. Euphoria levels are returning back to normal levels and, with them, perspective. The book has been gently nagging to me as of late. "I miss your attention" it calls like a cat lovingly throwing itself against my ankles. Who am I to resist? So I'll get back to work on it starting today. I'll be far more diligent in how I sort and attend to priorities.

Rambling Man

2010-11-10T10:25:00.000-07:00

I understand it's a bit late to greet the month of November, but it's still the nice thing to do. So I do it.

Here it is a fine Wednesday morning and . . . and I can't seem to compute. So I come here to ramble and pretend like I'm getting something done. I'm not so sure the illusion is working on me. How about you?

Nothing to really report. Sold a couple of books this week. That's nice. My time has been mainly to myself. Improving my shanty and making my life comfortable. Shanty-wise, there's tons to do. I'm thankful that my kitchen and living room are done they way I like them. Very warm and very inviting. All leaks as of the time I write this are stamped out. There are still two bathrooms, three rooms and a roof to tackle, so the project will go on.

I've been neglecting the art. Intentionally or unintentionally, I don't know. I just haven't touched it in about a month. I'm so weird about things like that. Not sure if it comes with the fickle art mantle or it's just fickle me. Another weird trait I have is when it comes to people liking me or my artwork it doesn't seem to really register. Again, I don't know why. I do my best to mirror and mimmick their enthusiasm with mixed results. An on that, it makes me take myself and my talents for granted . . . and I overthink it then post it all to the world to read . . . Yeah, I'm a strange effer. So you can check that one off of your list.

That awkwardness aside, I like you.

There, that felt a little better.

Bite the Bullet

2010-11-03T10:34:00.002-06:00

A fond and belated Happy Halloween. Today is the big day after the election. So quite a bit going on in the outside world. I make sure to mark it as an outside world because I insulate myself from just about all of it. Happily so, I might add. Halloween? I stayed home all day, worked on some home improvement junk, played video games with a dear friend, and topped it all by chatting late into the night with a gal friend. Election day? Nuts to staying in front of the TV and watching talking heads portend to know outcomes and the nauseating extent of those outcomes. I was happy to spend time with family from out of town. My uncle and I talked about upgrading and fine tuning our respective computers as if they were hot rods. I think I am at my happiest when not assailed by outside concerns.

That said, the "outside concerns" encroach upon my happy little world. I will have to conceded soon and pick up a monkey job. Savings are nigh tapped and I will need an income. I do not relish getting a monkey job. I have little choice. I kinda put all my eggs in one basket into my little art endeavor. And while I love my little art. It is only able to pay the dividends in my soul, not the bills. So I am deftly washing and polishing the bullet. For soon I will be placing it between my teeth and taking that big big bite.

The update from Odding due November 1st was included in my over reactionary post shortly back. It included the Groos. For the record the second book may be called "Revenge of the Groos" I stress "may" because I have another competing title for it. I may reveal that later because I am an incredible tease. The second book grinds along with not too much to really report on it. For now I am biding my time with my Odding, updates. I expect after those are tapped I'll start releasing tidbits from the second book. The should keep both my readers on the edges of their seats!

And about another week I will go. Keep shiny everybody!

[Insert Something Entertaining Here]

2010-10-27T10:32:00.000-06:00

Steven's Log: Stardate . . . Today.

These cold mornings kill me. Like a babe coddled in his mother's arms to her bosom, so too do my mattress and blankets love me. The question begged, who am I to shrug off such perfect comforts for the harsh cold indifference of the world? Sigh . . .
Armed with fortified coffee and wearing a blanket like a shawl, I am writing this little update about myself and my person and my art and . . . That's enough.

Overall, spirits are very high. This month has been far kinder to me than the previous ones. Family has been very supportive and loving and I forgot how much I missed their generous company. Fixing up the hovel I currently live in gives me a great sense of pride and purpose. What once was depressing is a now soothing all thanks to me. A new way to see my efforts. I understand you might point to my art, web page or other accomplishments and I will grant you those. But those are ones I need to meditate on before the pride is fully appreciated. This, my little house. This just gets me as soon as I forget. I smile mightily.

Whew, where was I before I trekked on my euphoria trip?
I speak so much about my personal life instead of my art for a couple of reasons. Mainly: If you're looking for art, you'll hate me less for not having it. Hate me less, because I charmed you more! While I still have art none of it is in a showing condition. And I hate showing works in progress. I've experimented with this over the years and each time the works in progress bit seems to sour the impact the finished piece has. So I refrain from showing pieces before they are finished . . . unless I forget.

Catching Up

2010-10-25T09:47:00.003-06:00

Today is October 25th and, as you may or may not have noticed, my internet presence has been gone sine the move. Happy news is: real internet was installed Saturday. So to overcompensate, I am releasing the updates for October 1st and 15th, as well as November 1st all here today just to get back in the game. You can find the pages of Odding by either clicking the images to the right or by just visiting www.stevetlaws.com.

Alright, now I have school to apply for, work to find, leaks to repair on my household. I'll bore you with those details later.

Real Internet

2010-10-21T09:15:00.000-06:00

Dear Diary, after installing new counter tops, revamped cabinets, new faucet, new garbage disposal, patched flooring, and repainted walls my kitchen is done. I feel macho. Living room, you're next, pal.

Real internet is on it's way. Saturday between 10am and 12pm is what the cable company officially quoted me for the install guy to arrive. With him comes my ability to update to my site, upload pictures, and release pages of my book. I am eager to get those issues resolved. I'm also going to use that connection for getting work and getting back into school. Why school? Why not? I think between the classes and the grants I will have extra time to focus on the second book. Also the environment will help foster and refine a few qualities. You know, remind myself of what I've forgotten.

This plan brings on a sense of euphoria . . . I love you all.

Speaking of love. Family here has been real good to me. For all of the awkwardness and terrible traits I recall, all of the flaws I couldn't wait to escape in my youth. I return better able to filter out those same traits and far more receptive to the good ones. I enjoy the company. I enjoy the support. I'm happier than I've been in a long time.

Attempt #3

2010-10-16T09:46:00.003-06:00

It's Saturday morning. I can't wake up

In my daze I figure I should work on something. That something will be my blog and the updating of my site. At least, the attempt to do so. I still don't have internet. I'm still working all of this with my cell phone. Kudos to me for perseverance, shame on me for not acquiring the correct tools.

While my online presence has been suffering, my kitchen looks fantastic! For the record, ladies and gentlemen, I paint (not in the artistic sense but in the construction sense) like a pro! That kitchen was a shambles and is now a manifestation of my pride. Before and after pictures? Despite wise reminders to do so (Hi Beth!), I neglected to do either. I though it of too little importance. I've learned that lesson now. I've also learned the great satisfaction behind installing a new faucet without getting any leaks (attempts = 3x)!

My art, like my online presence, has been neglected. There is some remorse there, not too much but some. Considering the move and all, I think it is forgivable. I'm still not in my stride just yet. I need a monkey job, I will be applying to school this fall so that I can attend this spring. Renovations on this house, there is lots to keep me busy. Lastly, self promotion, the most important task for my establishment and the one that humbles me most. No worries, the list is there, my perfectionist oriented mind never fails to nag me. I won't forget.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I will attempt to update my webpage. My success or failure will be evident.

Update:
. . . After a few hours and few attempts, my poor site remains in its stasis. I will require real internet to do so. I'll make the call soon.

It's a Shanty (Continued)

2010-10-07T16:12:00.000-06:00

Last week's post was inadvertantly interrupted. I proudly wrote the full post on my underused smart phone. Due to my inexperience and to my dismay, only half of the entry actually posted. So this is me, continuing for all of my readers. God bless you both. Also a note to say updating my site www.stevetlas.com is on hold. Again, because of no internet.

So I finally left Denver. A beautiful city that has given me a wealth of memories. However, I had been feeling static there for some time. A number of heartbreaks resolved me to make a change. Something. Anything. Big.

I am resetting my location and resetting my life. My new home? It's a shanty. Be that as it may I am only seeing promise. My days are spent on home improvement projects. For example, all of today and yesterday was spent gutting my kitchen, installing a new sink, garbage disposal. Removing all the cabnet doors sanding and prepping them for a fresh coat of paint.

Ultimately this is all a metaphor to me. In beautifying my home, I beautify myself. An external showcase of the work I am doing on self and soul. Patching up my flaws, renewsing my outlooks, a fresh coat of hope and resolve. Keep an eye on me, I will be gleaming!

It's a Shanty

2010-09-29T21:38:00.000-06:00

First, last week's blog entry was missed. I apologize. My internet was disconnected at that time. I will make it up to you by typing this week's entry via my modest smart phone.

I have moved in. I will start off by telling you how I moved you out. Painfully. I learned the hard way that running up three flights of stairs for several hours for two days will make your calf muscles cry. If ever you need advice on how to stop yourself from walking, come see me.

The drive was beautiful. Cathardic. I drove through Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, and Nevada. Ladies and gentleman, we have beautiful beautiful country out here. I encourage you all to take a peek. Feed you soul, enrich your life.

Tempered Expectations

2010-09-15T08:44:00.001-06:00

OK, it's the 15th and the next few pages of Odding are released Here.

Good lord, these past couple of weeks flew by.

Since the official date for the move is on the 25th I've been getting in my last minute visitations. I'm surprised how many people have queued up to say their goodbyes and lend support. The bulk of my past two weeks has been going to these wonderful people and spending quality time with all of them. Quite a few down, quite a few more to go. It's all very heart warming . . . and a tad somber.

And after a long pause to contemplate all of it I continue writing my blog entry.

The move does not inspire the bliss of reckless abandon. The excitement is certainly there. A whole bunch. But as the time draws near, uncertainties do exist and with them some trepidation. To be clear, this does not poison the hope. It is my mind transcending. Focusing on making the fantasy a reality and to make the whole thing tidy. Make no mistake. I will do and be fine.

I expect to be far better off for the experience.

Another Week

2010-09-08T20:09:00.000-06:00

What with labor day weekend and all, this week was a blur. I've been visiting family and friends all over the place. When I'm not out I'm making preparations, I'm packing. I've got 85% of everything packed and what's not packed is out in an orderly manner waiting for boxes. Stuff like the computer and the TV and cords still need working on. but I use those everyday, so. . . you know.

Art, not much to report or pitch so early. I kinda feel like I've saturated the places I normally frequent so I'm going to slow down and try to bleed this out a little slower. I can tell you, I do have an appreciation for marketing and people who do it well. Its it's own art.

Art and writing are being worked on diligently and lovingly. I'll share more soon enough. thoughts have rolled in my head about making some vlogs of me reading my cute little poetry. Haha, a few concerns come with that. My unease in front of the camera being a huge element of my overall procrastination. Maybe, we'll see.

Hitting the Reset Button

2010-09-01T08:16:00.009-06:00

First, it's the 1st of the month. That means the most recent release from Odding. Here 'tis.

I've decided to do it. Move to a different place and start all over.

While it seems caprice decided this course of action, my heart just reinforces it. A fresh start is desperately needed. I have a month before the lease expires and I've decided against renewing. Half of my belongings are packaged and resting next to the front door ready to be bundled into the moving van already reserved. I'm taking all of this to mean I'm excited. I see opportunities for myself in a new local that I don't otherwise see. Staying looks to mean keeping the status quo. Frankly, I'm tired of that status and it's little quo, too.

I don't expect this to delay the kids book anymore than if I still had my menial job. I have been wonderfully productive in my time off. I'm surprised how much time I've put in and how easily my mind produces. I have a daily allotment I do with art or the writing. I do that allotment with the steadiness of a metronome. Move or no, I'm content with my pace. So expect the second book at it's regular time . . . In the unspecified future.

The move has been a long time coming. I've been in Denver for the past 14 years. I've been wanting to relocate for a while. Originally, I would have gone out east to New York. However the wages of a struggling artist combined with a few of life's unexpecteds just make that option impractical. So off in the opposite direction I go, to the west. I'm gonna move a little closer to family for support and try to build a new life. I'm not prepared to advertise exactly where, just yet. I'll keep it to friends and family for now. Overall, I'm looking to make some deep changes and find better success with maybe even a new direction.

Revamping

2010-08-25T13:11:00.009-06:00

Here's a little something I redid for the book. It's an oldie but a goody. As of late, I've done this with a few older paintings. I've always felt confident about the concepts, a little uncertain about the execution. So I'm dusting them off, putting on a fresh coat of paint, and injecting plenty of love. One day I'll do before-and-after pics and I'll invite you all to see. Right now, I just want y'all to be reminded and to fall in love with them all over again.

Last week was pencils, pencils, pencils. This week it's revamp, revamp, revamp. I suppose that's just me being an artist. I focus like a laser on a subject or topic and, when tired, refocus that laser elsewhere. If you smell something burning, don't be alarmed.

It sure is nice to just do what I'm supposed to be doing. What I'm meant to do. I was reviewing my day yesterday. Eleven straight hours of painting, when I'd take a break to eat I'd stare at my paintings and plan what to do next. So a solid eleven hours. Towards the end of the day, answer e-mails, chat with friends online and off, end the day laying in my comfy comfy bed admiring the sense of satisfaction . . . Yesterday was such a good day. I very much relish the thought of more days like that. This is what I've trained myself to be. In practice, I'm dong it very well.

www.stevetlaws.com

A Few Things Up in the Air

2010-08-18T07:54:00.003-06:00

First, Odding pages 3 & 4 are out. Go take a peek!

Art is nice. I like it when I put in a good days work. Proof that I am a decent human being and that I am contributing. The plan right now is to produce pencils pencils pencils. I make those very tight and they can be a bit demanding but the theory is that if I have a number of half done pictures, finishing that plethora of pencils will be a snap. Like a coloring book. Watercolors go faster for me anyhow. I like what I'm producing. I understand I already mentioned this, but I'll hammer the message home

Writing. So far, I have a number of outlines of the story lines I would like for the book. Haha, when it comes to putting down anything permanent for the book, a discomfort of needing to practice more nags. I have not attempted to work out rhythm or punctuation or scheme for anything. Not yet anyhow. It's ok and it's not ok. I'll give it some time to sort itself out. I have plenty of time anyhow. Since I'm waiting, I'll do that practicing.

On me. I have quite a few decisions to make. I have no job (it's ok, I loathed the job I had), my lease is up at the end of September (which is ok, all bills are taken care of), and no girlfriend (which is ok, it's for the best). I do not mention these things to garner pity or demonstrate remorse. Why I bring them up is to frame the opportunity I have. Should I decide I needed to hit the reset button on my life. To move to a new local, make new friends, new jobs, new romantic pursuits. Now would be the perfect time for all that. I do all my business over the internet so all I'd need is a connection. Leaving me with no ties keeping me here. So why not?

Like I promised all the people I've spoken to. I will think about it. Officially, when I do think about it, It feels like a good idea.

www.stevetlaws.com

A Nice Problem to Have

2010-08-11T07:46:00.000-06:00

I am dusting off the old writing muscles. I haven't really flexed those bad boys properly in some time. Rest assured I'm well underway of getting this corrected and rectified. I will be able to put together pretty sentences real soon. Working on getting my rhythm back. That will not be hard. I glimpse at the story telling abilities and wonder, “How do I make these the most effectively amusing?” All that said, I can relax in knowing everything will be just fine. That I'm asking myself these questions and answering them demonstrates an artist at work. Can you believe it? I'm an artist at work!

I left menial work some time ago and have not left the house since. And I'm ok with that. I am being wonderfully productive. What I'm producing is wonderful. I have a limited amount of savings to live on before I have to go back to a day job. I'm doing all I can to get as much done. All while meeting the personal goals for quality assurance. It's a concern. Be sure to note, this is a nice problem to have.

I posted on my facebook how daunted I was a morning or so ago about the work needed before the book was to completion. And unfortunately, it will take more time than my optimism predicted. That said, looking over the paintings I have, the paintings being made and the scribbled writings, there's a whole lot of me, quatlity me being produced. This next book is going to be a fine book. A fine book, indeed.

Oh and before I run, Pages 3 and 4 of Odding will be released Sunday. I will be sure to post links where I normally do.

www.stevetlaws.com

Appreciating It

2010-08-04T07:18:00.001-06:00

Mmkay, so the first couple pages of Odding have been released, the next couple will happen on the 15th. I'll happily keep you posted.

I've been working and working hard on self promotion. So far it's working out better than expected. I've found a wealth of new friends and fans and it just seems to keep growing. Which is both to my astonishment and pleasure. I've been Blogging, Twittering, shmoozing on facebook, and etsy, and all combined do garner some traffic. I suppose I'll keep at it, we'll see what happens. So far, good things so I expect good things!

I spend my free time gorging on poetry, movies, and music while I paint. I fill my brain with all these lovely forms of expression, endeavoring to distill it all into my very own version of humanity. I really am impressed with how much happier I am in this environment. It feels so good to be an artist doing art. I'm sure I've said it before. And repeated it since then. Even so I am bowled over by how much happier I am in my natural environment. I understand it doesn't last forever. I will take the moment to meditate on, to savor this contentment.

It really is a nice moment.

www.stevetlaws.com

It's Quitin' Time

2010-07-28T08:01:00.004-06:00

I quit a job I hated yesterday. More than once I fielded the question, "Does it feel good?" And the answer of course is "Yes!" but the relief is a tad muted and hasn't struck me as hard as I was expecting. The more I ponder on discarding the stress the more I relax and the more I allow the good news to take me. Give me a couple of days and I will be 100% loverly again. See ya then!

Odding. My children's book. Oh my beloved children's book of pictures and paintings Odding. I love you so. I want the world to love you as much as I. I am so excited for releasing the pages of it, I want to just release everything all at once. Alas, I need to restrain myself. I'm not ashamed to say it's a marketing ploy. I just want to share it so bad. I want everyone to see. Now!

With the scrapping of work I am ravenous to have full fledged time to dedicate to creating. Don't get me wrong, I still need a day job and I'll get right on getting one. For now, for the brief time that I have, art and poetry will consume me as I cloister myself monk like in my home/studio. For that is my natural environment. This is where I thrive!

www.stevetlaws.com

Looking Ahead

2010-07-20T07:29:00.000-06:00

A number of sources a number of times have told me, "Steve, you just have to get on Etsy!" Between the length of time and the weight of the propaganda, eventually I broke. Now I'm on Etsy. Still learning all about the culture there so I have absolutely no idea what to make of it. I can tell you the people have been great. That and the chat room is ADHD fast.

I've decided to publish two pages of Odding on the 1st and 15th of each month until the full book is out. The book is 56 pages all together. Time wise that's a little over six months worth of updates. Hopefully that will garner me a bit of an audience and even a few customers. I've already made and stockpiled the pages so, yeah . . . Turns out I'm awesome.

Paintings. I expect to have a new one to show a month while I hammer out the rest of this series for the second book. Believe you me, they're like their daddy. Awesome. I just need to get them up and done so you all can see for yourselves.

I will also be making another gallery and updating that as paintings come. The "In Progress" section of my Gallery will have a link to a second gallery featuring my currents and non-portfolio work. Mostly for my own sense of satisfaction and also for those so inclined to see a bigger body of my work. If one of those newer paintings happens to become too popular, I'll promote it to portfolio.

That all out there, let's make us some purdy paintings, shant we?

www.stevetlaws.com Facelift

2010-07-14T08:46:00.000-06:00

www.stevetlaws.com <---That there is what I've been working on with surprising obsession. I tore that thing down and am building it up with my own two code dirtied hands. It's very much the sexy and I am very much proud of it. The webpage itself is well towards being finished and soon thereafter, maintained.

I'll get back on this horse of keeping a blog. I'll post this same blog on my happy little website on a weekly basis and refer people here for past posts. Other promotional objectives include releasing a pair of pages to my book every two weeks or every month. I'm still trying to figure out the timeline on that but it will be there and I will begin August 1 of doing it. Also, art. I will endeavor to update the page monthly with new Art. I am still hammering away on the second book, lord knows I have plenty of paintings on the assembly line to do it, so I'll do it.

Store. I made a store. It's a nice store. I use it to sell my wares. If you'd like something nice for yourself and wouldn't mind showing your support in the process, then do buy something. I personally recommend the book, it's ever so lovely.

Make Over

2010-06-01T11:39:00.000-06:00

So This will be Make Over. It's about 90% finished, good enough to post and share and for people to get the gist of the joke. It's another picture for the next book. Still haven't started the poem for this one yet.

i currently have three more in the works. One: "Bad Day" is on the drawing board the other two: "Wrong gift" and "The Great Cookie Caper" are still in concept form. I will be getting the subject mater for the latter two all set to go and ready to be drawn up later this week. All Three are going to be larger pieces 18 inches x 24 inches containing a generous number of figures, so ETA at this point might be a bit premature. No worries, I'll keep everyone posted.

Other than the book, life is good. Got a little lady who I'm nuts about, work is steady and keeps all the bills paid. I'm well fed and I regularly exercise. So not a huge amount to say.

I Got Myself in Love

2010-05-08T09:25:00.001-06:00

I met a girl. We're nuts about each other. Plans are even starting to be negotiated about moving closer to escalate the relationship. I'm in love with my love and my love life looks lovely.

So now that I have someone I find I don't need to dedicate so much energy to abating my loneliness. Time spent sulking, pining, or chasing ladies has disappeared and is replaced by a sense of well being. So now I have a surplus of time and well being on my hands. I'm gonna direct that at getting some art done and hammering away on the book.

So you can see that since I'm typing away here that I haven't given it up altogether. I have a love hate relationship with promotion. And this is considered promotion. Any of you eight fans out there who read this, remind me to buy you presents for enduring. I appreciate your patience. Ha ha!

So I mentioned I would get some works in progress or artwork posed round these parts. Currently I only have works in progress to really show off. Just because of the way I work it's with a myriad number of paintings and usually just a few hours a time on each one before I get bored and move to the next. That clear, on my Face book page I made a gallery of works in progress. Found HERE

So that's that for now. I'll revisit this sooner than later

Slow and Steady

2010-01-22T16:54:00.000-07:00

I'm at work with too much time on my hands. They gave me a forty five minute lunch break and later a pizza party to go so, do the math and I have forty five minutes of nothing to do. Well nothing but update my blog.

I'll post my works in progress on here soon. Things are fine just nothing finished. A good number of tight pencils but no water color or shading to accompany them. Since I'm making a large number at once I guess I feel better with them all being on or close the the same point in the process. It helps to give the book a more organic harmonious feel . . . at least for me.

I'm not sure if it is appropriate for me to post writings, or more accurately, works in progress for those. I don't ever recall seeing an author post a work in process be them poet or novelist. All in all, it's that art we all come for around these parts anyway, isn't it?

The holidays were peaceful, lots of work. I just worked and kept to my projects. Family didn't come into town until the week after. I really enjoyed seeing them all. My enthusiasm caused me to drink enough in one week to age ten years. It was either that or that my youngest brother is an alcoholic and I can't let him best me . . . We had fun.

Speaking of my youngest brother, I'm due to visit him in New York soon. The first time I visited, I wasn't expecting much. I never would have guessed that city would enchant me so. Culture just pulsates constantly through that place and it was intoxicating when I was there to have it take over me. Long wordy story short, I look forward to visiting again. I might just live there one day.

Looking Up.

2009-12-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

I try to write things here, I try to keep them smart and coherent. Rereading a few of my posts here and I'm left scratching my head asking, "Huh?"

That aside, lets try to update for the three of you who suffer this thing.

November wasn't the best month of this year for me. I gave up. Yeah. No art. Endured work. Killed my romance. I suffered my rut with all the ignorance I could muster. Over indulgence in videogames helped.

I can't tell if I needed it. A proverbial break, or if I just broke. I can't say and I don't feel like conjecture. I'm looking to redeem myself here in December. I've paid bills, cleaned house, done laundry, and now I'm gearing up to do art. I have plenty of ideas to fall back on, a plethora of subject matter, and just a pinch of talent. I'll work to make this fruitful.

It seems inspiration works that way, especially when you're a tempermental artist. So, I got that going for me.

Be Patient with Me

2009-11-15T22:58:00.000-07:00

I'm a strange beast. My mind and behaviors elude me sometimes and damned if I ever know why.

So here I am writing a passage in my blog that I haven't updated in almost a month. Why so long? I'm not sure. Maybe I lost interest, got distracted with my lady friend, got burned out, found novelty elsewhere? Your guess is as good as mine at this point. You think it has something to do with my art? Because I haven't updated my website either.

Art. I was making a picture for Halloween. Something festive and humorous for all the people to enjoy . . . I abandoned it. It is not of a quality I can stand by. It was rush and forced all the way through. It looks and feels labored. The concept, the concept is what hurts most. It feels pedestrian and common like I'm doing a cheesy pepsi commercial. The execution suffered since day one when I tried to suppress my doubts about the concept. Now? Now it is something I am ashamed of. I can do so much better and that I didn't . . . Yeah, that shame stings.

Since I bailed on the failed art project a couple of weeks ago, I have distanced myself from all things art. I lose myself in my video games and movies. Sigh. I'm feeling like I can't afford to give up. I need to belly up and put out, only less slutty. I'm not about to make any promises. I'd hate to disappoint. I already feel like I do that way too much already.

Be patient with me.

No Room for Perfection

2009-09-26T00:39:00.000-06:00

Time is a squeeze.

Most notably, consistently, and forever concerning my art. I could fill you in, but I am self conscious about being overly repetitive. Not that I'm all that successful of avoiding the repetition pitfall, but I'm also feeling particularly lazy so not too many details. Having the balance in my life from romance, work, recreation , and art . . . I find in that precarious balance my art suffers most. I fear most that I will never change. Whine and regret, are the future of my art career . . .

Yes, I did mention romance. It is a lovely thing that makes my heart swell. As intense and as quick as it is, I fear speaking to much about it. I don't want to jinx anything

For now, I'm love drunk.

Work is fine, I really enjoy the people I work with. The job pays bills and keeps me fed so there is not room to complain. I'm very much liking my hours especially. Four ten hour days are far superior to five eight hour days, the extra day off is so wonderful.

Recreation? I'm one lazy lazy fucker. Video games and sleep seem to be it, especially since the chill of winter has rolled in. The cold kills my metabolism and with it my sense of adventure.

Anywho,ere's a post just to post to the world I'm still about

www.stevetlaws.com

State of Flux

2009-09-09T10:28:00.000-06:00

First, I am painfully aware of my tardiness on updating here. Even more so that my site's update was a week late. Things seem to change drastically going from having too much time to not enough. Finding time to paint has been the priority and I'm still not content with what I have . . . sigh.

Anywho, I've no choice but to take on the challenge, thank you for your patience.

In regards to the last post: no, I'm not gonna post that. I got onto the topic of love somehow and it turned from a few insightful points to emotionally vomiting. I still have it saved somewhere but it makes me cringe just thinking about it. So instead I'll just bitch about other things.

One such other thing that has me concerned is my self involvement. When it comes to self promotion, it helps to be narcissistic I've indulged that quite a bit over the past couple of months as I upped my ante. Now that I'm a bit more sour and dower on the idea of self promotion, my want to think only about myself and my career has faded. I'm not so bitter as to swear off of it all together, I'll get to advertising eventually, I'm sure. For now, though, for now, there are some lovely ladies I'd much rather get to know better.

Gone Fishing.

2009-08-24T20:51:00.000-06:00

Mmkay . . . The topic I chose has some emotional weight vested in it and I'm at pause to post it. I ask for a night or so to think on it. Or at least muster up some courage.

A New Philosophy

2009-08-16T10:04:00.000-06:00

It's Sunday morning that I'm punching this up. I just seem to be rolling so well this morning that when I saw this I figured I'd get it done just because.

I feel good. I feel real good. My diet and exercise regime have been spot on. My art and poetry times have been steadily growing as my schedule has solidified. Bills are all paid, debts are all tiny and almost gone. Next, build a savings and look into buying a home. Things are all right.

3-4 months ago I had decided to advertise myself and my work by submitting to a large number of art shows. I spent just over $600 to do that. This week the last of letters came in, and I was not accepted into any of those shows. Friday when I got the news I had to drink over it. I recall long long ago repeatedly running into those same promotional results.

A sidebar, there are people out there who can take a thousand rejections and with optimistic aplomb carry on in their adventures. I admire those people almost to the point of envy. I do so because I am not one of those people. When a rejection comes from whatever direction, it hurts. My mind has a magnification process that it adopts in situations as these and loves to beg the question, "What is wrong with me?" that paired with my powerful imagination can give me some scary scary results. For the record, I love my mind, it is a powerful and wonderful tool that has served me so very well all my life. And I pray it continues to do so. That said, the results are the same. I hurt over that kind of stuff.

I'm not sure if it's too early or over reactionary but I've decided I'm going to adopt a "Fuck it" stance. At least in regards to advertising. I'm tired of allocating my art and writing time to being rejected, especially when I beg to differ. I'm just going to write and paint. "Fuck it" if I do it in obscurity. At least I'll be happy. Which is probably the reason why I'm feeling so good lately. Relief.

www.stevetlaws.com

Pros and Cons

2009-08-10T18:46:00.000-06:00

My mind was writing this blog with much intensity since about three this afternoon. And wouldn't you know it, as soon as I sit down to hammer this out, I draw a blank. I'll try to throw down the stuff I recall.

Me as an artist.

I'm laboring to reassess my art schedule, my art in general, and ultimately my artistic identity. Mind you this introspection comes as I allot 40 hours a week to working a regular job. The two compete for my attentions and my affections. I'm guilty and ashamed should I neglect either. Thus the dilemma I solemnly face with a heavy hearted sigh.

The arts pros and cons.

First the pros. The satisfaction I get from making a painting that excites me is so deep. So deep in fact that if I dwell on the thought too long I start to get misty. Honestly. It's a deep love, what I was made to do and what I've trained myself for all my life. I do it and I do it well. The marks, while few, are heavy in weight.

The arts cons?

I feel the misfit and isolated. The two groups to turn to for support and motivation won't have me. Fine art finds me too illustrative, too commercial. Illustration finds me too niche, too outdated. I feel betrayed by the ideals I clung so desperately to as I sacrificed and sacrificed over the years. I feel disappointment fatigue. I was under the impression that if I I worked hard enough, if I suffered enough, I would be reimbursed. I make no money, I have no notoriety, and no certainty. Not even an inkling.

Work pros.

It's simple, there is no emotional attachment, no emotional obstacles. I don't have to worry myself sick about uncertainties like I do with art. I sit, I endure, I make money to buy goods and services. The autonomy work affords me gives me great pride. I'm not ashamed to say I want to buy a couch, a car, a condo. To buy a practical now and invest in a better tomorrow. My blue collar colleagues give me the company and support lacking in the airs of my artistic counterparts.

And lastly work cons.

That daily grind does wear a man down. I was so burnt and miserable at my previous job that I nearly convinced myself I suffered from depression. What I actually suffered from was complicity in the face of misery. I'm still tender from the burn and hatred I have for that other joint. I handle the baggage well, but still, who needs baggage?

Currently these four lists duel in my mind for who wins my time and attention. Sadly and just as current is the reality my art is being neglected, and suffering. I've not given it an hour in the past three weeks as I've worked my new job. I find it very difficult to muster the will to do anything after enduring eight hours, enduring a job I tolerate. My art suffers when I am emotionally worn. Of all the vast goo-gas in life I'm willing to compromise on; the love, and I use "love" with all the depth and sincerity I can muster, the love I put into my art is the last vestige, the last scrap that affirms my life's value.

www.stevetlaws.com

Mind Ye Updates

2009-08-03T19:31:00.000-06:00

I'm trying to update this thing once every Monday. Why? Because I don't want to neglect it. I've been journaling for years and this seems right up my alley to keep my sanity. It doesn't bother me that others can read it . . . Let me amend that. I need to pretend no one reads these in order to write them. I know it's public, I know passersby just might wander and levy opinions about me and my inner thoughts. I also know I care a whole lot less about that than I used to. This internet medium also offers a permanence that contrasts against my lost entries. Should a person happen to take interest or disinterest, on with the show.

Back onto the topic of Updating, I also like to update my main web page once a month. Usually with a painting. There have been thoughts of posting videos of me reading my own poetry, but for now those are just thoughts. Anyway, this month I guess I posted something that left quite a few people jarred out of their comfort zone. In a pinch for time I finished a landscape I had on the assembly line and tried to pass that off as an update. Long story short, it sticks out of my portfolio like a lion at a vegan convention. I'm guess I'll have to change it. For now, I'm not quite sure how.

Gimme a week to think about it.

www.stevetlaws.com

First Day

2009-07-27T21:39:00.000-06:00

So today is my first day of my new job. I'm going to be a customer service representative for DirecTV. My previous job was very much like my current one, customer service/tech support but for a much much worse company, Dish Network. Pangs from shames, I will likely regale bits and pieces of my dislike for Dish here and there in future posts. Until then, you can already guess the depth and breadth of my feelings towards them.

In this new gig, I can already tell the environment is much cleaner and sharper. Pay is higher, health care better, and an overall air of professionalism seems to be abundant. Mind you, I'm well aware that I have not been there long enough to give an adequate assessment. After all, it's only my first day. But I've seen enough to be cautiously optimistic. I'm relaxing my hands on looking for day jobs and looking towards meshing that job with moonlighting as a starving artist.

Speaking of which, in holding the bar high, I have demanded of myself one painting a month for an indefinite period of time. This month I am scarily close to my deadline without the intended painting being finished. Without a doubt, I could have said painting painted and painted well in seven to ten good honest hours. The difficulty is in getting those hours. More accurately, disciplining oneself, myself. I have a wealth of excuses when "I don't feel like it" and thusly procrastinate. Let's all be honest here, I'm an adult and the "I don't feel like it" option is no longer an option.

www.stevetlaws.com

That So Fresh Feeling

2009-07-23T10:16:00.001-06:00

Overall I'm getting ready for some changes in my life. The new job starts Monday. It's a little bit like what I was doing (customer service)just with a much more reputable company. Naturally, there is a tinge of anxiety, but mostly optimism. With that job comes a brighter future and naturally money. Money allows me to purchase goods and services. Provided everything goes well enough, I can transfer inside the company to a local in or near New York.

In preparation I just cleaned the house. Kitchen, living room, closet, bathroom, etc and after all the grunge and toil, I get to walk away with a sense of satisfaction I struggle to find a comparison for. And with a clean place comes some adorable little perks. Every time I come home from a long day feeling exhausted, I can manage a smile and feel content in knowing my place is tidy, shiny. There are no chore's to haunt me. I can invite friends over with pride, especially lady friends. I feel right with myself and my place in the universe.

www.stevetlaws.com

Solitary Sickness

2009-07-13T11:00:00.000-06:00

The cast of characters in my life is small, my obligations are few, my sacrifices many. All in a stubborn effort to increase the chances of making a viable art career happen. I am a bit disquieted as I reflect on this.

Because my life is mostly solitary I get some beautiful gifts from that solitude. Naturally there's a price. Of the gifts, I can think and feel with a much greater magnitude than the average bear, I get to do art and writing with an awareness that greatly benefits the work. The price, I lose a sense of the present and of reality in the trade. I am totally oblivious to how other people feel about me. Positive or negative. I have no measure of where I am vs where I should be. Am I adrift or am I progressing? I genuinely don't know.

I have two supporting cast members that I truly love and go to frequently for a reality check. My best friend of 10 years Viet, and my younger brother of 28 years, Jeff. Naturally I have more family than that; if I dug deep, more friends too, but I, for better or worse, keep them all at a distance. Borderline estrangement. If I kept up on maintenance, a wealth of meaningful relationships would have been my reward. Willful neglect gives me too few. Myriad girlfriends, all of whom were disposed of too hastily. A choice two I mournfully admit I still love. Overall, I can't say I hold any regrets . . .

Plenty of doubts.

www.stevetlaws.com

Perception is a Funny Thing

2009-07-07T15:46:00.000-06:00

So, I found myself in a haze trying to figure everything out and have everything figured out before dinner. Life isn't quite like that, though. It likes to keep you guessing and on your toes.

Personally, I was fore seeing the end of the world as perceived failures and humiliations built up. My art career was never to be, my merits as an artist all delusion, my family and friends to disregard me, I was to be tossed from my home with nary a place to go. "Panic" might not be the word I look for, "strung out" feels more appropriate.

Turns out all that illusion was in my head festering as I forgot to take heed. A real old old friend contacted me the other night. A person I hadn't spoke to in over a decade. As we were playing an awkward game of catch-up, a few of my bitchings ebbed into the conversation and were rebutted with a succinct, "Isn't that regular fare for artists?" I paused, I thought, and I laughed. It was. It is.

As I had a chance to reflect, I got to thinking. Despite all my stresses and plights, I'm right where I want to be. I'm a starving artist, I do great artwork, I have a great number of blessings under my belt. And the rest, the not so shiny aspects of my career choice? Ultimately, those are all byproducts of where I should be at this point and time in my career. I've made all the right choices. I'm where I want to be. I'm headed where I want to go.

Funny thing, that.

www.stevetlaws.com

Updating Sites, Updating My Book and Paying Bills.

2009-06-30T12:57:00.000-06:00

It's the end of the month when chores ask I do them. The first of which is updating sites. That noted. I am proud to show off the third and final version of my book. If that thing were a car, I gave it a luster and roar that would make the most stand offish layman want to take it for a spin. The proudest accomplishment I have in my life to date.

Paying bills: for a long long time while I toiled at a day job I loathed, I did not have the energy or the joy to do anything other than play videogames in an attempt to forget. Now that I'm out of work, I'm happily spending 50-60 hours a week painting, writing, advertising, and living the life I've trained myself to live. It all feels so right, almost dream like in it's bliss. Hold on just a moment, I'm about to wake up.

Money.

That freaking topic that stabs at my heart and steals my joys. Understand I'm good with my money, I save most earnestly and I can scrimp with the best of them. Be that as it may, it looks like I'm in shorter supply than I previously thought. Advertising hasn't blossomed any opportunities yet and I am left with a more distasteful option, nay, obligation of getting another day job.

I dread the task. Even so I have already allocated 30 hrs a week to looking. Which slices my time to paint and write and advertise down to a guilt inducing low. I'm hoping this time around that job is less painful than the previous one. I'm just looking to cover rent and food. I have few expectations for it all. Just a regular mindless 40 hr a week gig that affords me some dignity in poverty.

www.stevetlaws.com

Defiantly Lazy

2009-06-19T18:51:00.000-06:00

There is much I have on my to do list. A whole lot more than I'd like to tally at the moment. The top two: Advertise, I'm in dire need of a larger audience. The five people I have following me now is not enough for me to sustain myself. Speaking of sustain, finding a regular monkey job. I'm living off of savings right now. Overall financial stability is a positive thing, and better still if the extra money goes towards advertising.

I'm not about to do any of it at the moment. My mood is too dower. There are a number of contributing factors to this lack of exercise, terrible diet, and overall fatigue are the suspects that come readily to mind. Knowing all of this, my mood is still such that I'm not about to address any of these factors. I am going to wallow in my self prescribed misery.

A veritable "Fuck Everything" mood. One most often found in the lowest rungs of society

www.stevetlaws.com

Compromise

2009-06-16T17:56:00.000-06:00

So in my desperate efforts to raise a fully functioning art career in a matter of months, reality has gently grabbed my shoulder and calmly whispered into my ear. My frantic clawing has eased into a dismayed pawing . . . maybe even a relieved sigh. I'm far too invested to change course, trudge on I must. At least now the pace is more reserved. Let's face it, this art thing is going to take a lifetime to build and even then, it may not fly.

That in mind, I am looking to facilitate the journey by conceding on getting a regular monkey job. Worrying about rent and food does help me be productive but alas, the quality of such mass produced works suffers. That and advertising will cost me. I feel wistful as I scroll through uninteresting jobs. One of these same jobs will soon overburden my time and spirit and it will be all I can do to get art done in my off time.

This time I'm more prepared, focused, and confident I can juggle both competently. What a strange little ray of optimism.

www.stevetlaws.com

What Makes You So Spechul?

2009-06-15T17:32:00.000-06:00

Today and the past few days in looking over my career and my craft leads me me to those existential questions. Only for me, since I am my art, my existentialism stops at my product, my art. I look at the new pictures kids are drawing up and I look at the old pictures. I worry that my images don't have the edge the new kids keep coming out with, I look to the old stuff and I feel blank. In promoting myself against the countless throngs of fellow artists I do worry about my voice raising above the din. And naturally the question arises: "What makes me so special?"

I know there's a market for my art. I know there's a following. Unfortunately my following right now is just a few family members and people from my past that come in once every couple of years to check up on me. Total number of persons . . . I'm guessing about two dozen (24). I am confident about my portfolio my book too seems like it'll do well in comparison to the bulk of the children's book market. Thus far, I've only a few hundred copies sold in two years.

Which leads me to another question. Presuming those assumptions are true, then why is my success and my notarity so lukewarm? Why is it I am looking with angst at my dwindling savings with a delusional hope in my mind that money will come? If my art is good enough and it's accessible then why am I a hair's breadth from abject poverty? . . .

I hate the questions and I hate that I can't make sense of it? The answer seems like it's right there and I'm not getting it. And them I'm forced to ask why I'm not getting it . . . God

www.stevetlaws.com

Beer Helps

2009-06-13T16:52:00.000-06:00

I'm surprised at how anxious I have been at promoting stuff. When I'm here it seems like the ideas never come, when I'm away the ideas flow freely. Luckily, I made a list I go by to remind me what avenues to explore. Now it's just a matter of getting over procrastination.

As far as the stuff goes, it's good. Damned good. So I don't need to worry about the product. I have a portfolio of art and poems that I feel I can stand behind. I also have a book, (which I forget frequently). I forget that I can advertise with a book too. Overall, it's been a learning process that doesn't seem to have a tangible gauge or meter to success. Blah.

I understand there is teaching to be done and workshops to host both of which I have absolutely no interest in doing. I taught for three years and felt like I was just building a rut myself. Worshops . . . Uhg, I'm almost certain my destiny just lay in advertising. (Which is my weakness at this time).

For now, I am relying on beer to help me through the process. I am surprised with how much my alcohol consumption has gone up since starting this project. Currently I am on my fourth beer from Breckenridge brewery with a pittance . . . Actually their labels don't relay the alcoholic content. Suffice it to say, I am well buzzed.

Mmkay, that's all for now.
www.stevetlaws.com

Bored with Self Promotion

2009-06-12T12:31:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I hate self promotion.

I just want to do art, I want to be an artist, I want to expand my horizons into writing and more visual mediums. Alas, the constrictions of life and the world severely limit my abilities to do any of this. I'm 31 now, I feel as though I'm already behind the curve in being established. Toss in the necessity to learn how to promote oneself amid an art industry choked to death with artists and the frustration flows freely.

By the way, this is a facet of my self promotion.

Isn't irony cute?

Oh, yeah . . . www.stevetlaws.com

Test entry

2009-06-10T19:57:00.000-06:00

Yeah . . . so.

I'm attempting to make a larger on line presence and I'm trying very hard to do that without having to live on line.

www.stevetlaws.com